A Lesson in Surrender

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After a very long month of sitting quiet, it's time I came clean about one more thing: I'm having a hard time losing weight.

This may come as no surprise to those of you who are also in the struggle. You know what it's like to start out on a high and lose your zeal when the scale isn't moving in the right direction or you've hit a plateau after working out five days a week for three months. Then, your girlfriend who is only 100 pounds to begin says she's struggling to lose 10 pounds before summer.

Well, this time it has not been about the scale or constant comparisons for me. It's about balance! How do I consistently make the time to plan my meals, move and meditate between work, travel, family, church, community service and a whole lotta other shit that really doesn't matter?!? That's been my struggle lately.

It’s probably obvious to anyone who knows me that my weight has been a core struggle since puberty. For as long as I can remember, getting control of my weight has been the fight of my life.

My deepest fear is not failing, natural disaster, illness, death, divorce or even learning to swim at 38. My biggest fear is living the rest of my life as a "fat" person. That's what I fear most.

Have you ever been in the thick of things and couldn't see the forest for the trees? Do you recall the feeling you had when you got through it and looked back to the other side? You know that feeling...

Fight. Relief. Triumph.

Do you remember feeling frustrated at all when you learned that you knew the pathway out the whole time? How about the feeling you felt when you realized that you were standing in your own way? Or, what about when you recognized that your journey home had been stifled by your refusal to simply surrender?

Well, that's exactly where I am today. I'm on the other side of April and I admit that if I am going to win this fight I must surrender.

For real. Wholeheartedly. Consciously. Every day. Surrender.

Obviously, surrendering is not easy but what I know for sure is that it can be done and it can be revolutionary to our lives as women. Surrender doesn't mean giving up or giving in. All surrender means is that you finally give up the fight.

Whoa! I'm in tears typing those words:

All surrender means is that you finally give up the fight.

Do you feel that? Relief. Triumph. Trust. No more fight!

I've had plenty more struggles in my life to test my faith and my fervor. And, from all of them I learned how to trust God in the thick of it. But, I clearly had not learned the lesson in surrender as it pertains to my weight.

Perhaps you haven't learned that lesson either?

Today is a perfect day to finally give up the fight. It's a great day to surrender it all, let go and let God mind the details.

I believe fully that when we trust God to fight our battles for us we grow in our ability to handle that which He has assigned us to do.

I guess that means I have to stop now and get back to planning my meals, movement and meditation for the next seven days.

The fight is over!

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

-- by Judson W. Van DeVenter

Dr. Kim

Dr. Kimberly S. Clay, aka Dr. Kim, is Executive Director and founder of Dallas-based charity, Play Like A Girl!®. On a mission to inspire women and girls across the globe to live a happy, healthy and active lifestyle, Dr. Kim has set out to finally triumph in her own struggle with obesity by creating what she calls her "best me yet" in 2014-15. Sisterbration is the space she has dedicated to documenting the journey and her musings.

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